Only the Shadow Knows, Part 2

Poems, Readings, Meditation on the Shadow

At last year’s DuPage Unitarian Universalist Church Goods and Services Auction, Soni Simpson and Holly Harris-Johnson bought a sermon topic.  After much consideration, they chose the topic, the Shadow.   In Part I of “Meeting the Shadow” I offered my reflections on the topic. 

Part II is a compilation of art, poems, readings, and meditation on the shadow. 

 

Faces of the Enemy, by Sam Keen

Start with an empty canvas

Sketch in broad outline the forms of

men, women, and children.

Dip into the unconscious well of your own

disowned darkness

with a wide brush and

stain the strangers with the sinister hue

of the shadow.

Trace onto the face of the enemy the greed,

hatred, carelessness you dare not claim as

your own.

Obscure the sweet individuality of each face.

Erase all hints of the myriad loves, hopes,

fears that play through the kaleidoscope of

every finite heart.

Twist the smile until it forms the downward

arc of cruelty.

Strip flesh from bone until only the

abstract skeleton of death remains.

Exaggerate each feature until man is

metamorphasized into beast, vermin, insect.

Fill in the background with malignant

figures from ancient nightmares – devils,

demons, myrmidons of evil.

When your icon of the enemy is complete

you will be able to kill without guilt,

slaughter without shame.

The thing you destroy will have become

merely an enemy of God, an impediment

to the sacred dialectic of history.

Prayer/Meditation, Rev. Tom Capo

While awaiting his death in a Nazi concentration camp, Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote:  “In me there is darkness, but with you there is light; I am lonely, but you do not leave me; I am feeble in heart, but with you there is help; I am restless but with you there is peace…”  As we explore our inner darkness, know that we are here together to support one another.

Spirit of Light and Darkness,

I seek to better understand myself, to look into my heart and mind for those disowned parts of myself. 

I seek to journey inside to bring light to the darkness, to be whole. 

The path inside is before me; it leads me to a place of darkness, a place not often explored, and I feel alone.  I may be afraid of the dark, but with the light of spirit, with the light of those here with me, with the light of compassion for my own disowned parts, I will continue my journey. 

The darkness gradually lessens as I travel deeper inside. 

I search for clues to better self-understanding.  Sometimes I stand still and just absorb what I encounter.  Sometimes I move quickly, recognizing aspects of myself that I am familiar with, though estranged from.  Sometimes my walk is easy, but expectant.  I am permeable to myself, open, waiting.

I will light these recesses; kindle my hearing and sight; quicken my feelings and body; spark my right hand and my left; incandescence above and beneath me.  I will see what I need to see, hear what I am called to hear, feel what I need to feel. 

I begin my journey outward. 

I have gained insight, understanding; I will continue this journey toward wholeness.

Spirit of Light and Darkness, increase the light within me that I may see into my darkness, illuminate me, always. 

 

Only the Shadow Knows, part 1

What evil lurks in our hearts?  

Psychoanalyst Carl Jung developed the concept of the Shadow.  He believed that our shadow resides deep inside us, rich with life, and on occasion our shadow pokes up through our psyche.  Many of us subvert our shadow, hiding it deep inside. Jung cautions “…the less embodied [the Shadow is] in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”  

The “Other”

We may deny unpleasant impulses, the evil, hidden in our shadow by attributing them or projecting them onto others. We do this to keep ourselves from owning them.  

I can feel my shadow rising when my reaction to something is much larger than it should be.  A poke from something in my shadow tempts me to tarnish those whom I have named “other,” somehow different from me. This poke is my unconscious well of own disowned darkness, my shadow. 

The “Enemy”
Projection can lead to identifying what you fear: your “enemies.”  The enemy is something or someone who reflects our disowned darkness. When we react intensely to a quality in an individual or group--such as lethargy or ignorance, assertiveness or success, sensuality or spirituality--and that reaction consumes us with great loathing or admiration, this may be our own shadow showing. We have all done this. 

               

The Critic

Have you said at one time or another:  "I don't know how she could wear that outfit." "This is the third time you arrived late without calling me."  “You look like something the cat dragged in—just kidding.”  If you feel an overwhelming, powerful–though not always negative—emotion, this could be your shadow.  You can choose to not let it control your reactions, and you can take the opportunity to reflect on the experience, putting light into your shadow. 

Our Secret “Wrongs”

As we grow up we develop our ideas of right and what is wrong, what acceptable behavior is and what is not, what is okay to think or say and what is taboo.  As we decide, we put certain aspects of ourselves into some place deep inside ourselves—in our shadow.  Alexander Solzhenitsyn wrote, ". . . the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.  And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?"   

At some point we may hear a message that causes us to some part of ourselves into the shadow.  It is not about what parents, teachers, authorities say; it is about how we hear and how we make sense of what we hear.

We try to hide away our aggressive impulses, our violent rages, our selfish needs, our deepest insecurities, our paralyzing pain.  Some of our aspects may truly be evil or destructive to others or ourselves but many of our shadow aspects are our submerged shame, dreams, fantasies, even talents.

To Be Whole is to Honor the Shadow

In order to honor the shadow, to integrate our whole selves, we need to find ways to develop awareness of all aspects of ourselves.  To develop awareness of the shadow calls for breaking old habits and cultivating dormant talents. 

The shadow reveals itself again and again, in our visceral responses to external or internal stimuli or cues, and gives us the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and grow emotionally and spiritually.  Our task is to refrain from becoming reactive or destructive when our shadow rises, and instead notice it, learn from it, and integrate our shadow into our conscious being in order to become more whole. 

Embrace and Walk with Your Shadow

If you seek out what is in your shadow, if you watch for it whenever it erupts, and then embrace it,

you can be the redeemer who can provide the redemption you need. 

I urge you to courageously search for the emotional and spiritual nourishment, enlightenment, passion, and redemption that is within your shadow. 

Walking with your shadow, intentionally and consciously, is an act of beauty and courage which can lead to loving your hidden self.   

Search your shadow despite your fear, for the light of compassion, friendship, and love is always with you.

Blessings, Rev. Tom

Click here for a transcript of Rev. Tom’s full Sermon (http://dupageuuchurch.blogspot.com/)

Exploring Resentment

DuPage Unitarian Universalist Church - Reverend Tom Capo
September 2015 theme: Plumbing the Depths
September 17, 2015

I grew up in an alcoholic home.

My father was a binge drinker.  When I was ten, my father, following a binge, screamed profanity, broke dishes, chairs and yanked the baffled doors off the bar.  My brothers, mother and I didn’t why and we huddled in fear in the back room of our house.  At that moment, I decided I would no longer have any relationship with my father, and did not value anything he said to me or did for me for many years. I did not think I could ever forgive him, and at least a part of me did not want to; I did not feel he deserved any forgiveness.

Resentments over my father’s drinking hurt me for years. 

By holding onto my resentments, my self-esteem was damaged. I was distant from family and friends, and my health suffered. My ability to achieve in school was impaired—I sabotaged my education which almost kept me from graduating. Yet I would not let go of my precious resentments. I felt my father deserved my resentment, because there was no regret or justification for what he did.  

Forgiveness is a choice when another person has injured us. 

When we are injured something inside us is broken.  Resentments are the feelings we develop when we choose to retain the pain that was inflicted on us because we feel the perpetrator deserves it. We may have experienced terrible injustices--wrongs we feel cannot be righted. But we are the ones who suffer, not the person who harmed us.  I heard once that holding onto resentments is like drinking poison and hoping the person we resent will die.  Resentments rarely, if ever, hurt the one we are angry with.  Yet still I did not want to forgive for many years. 

To forgive is to admit that we don’t want to feel the resentment anymore. 

To forgive we must first acknowledge that we want to repair the separation from intimacy, joy, health, and success that resentments can cause.  We want to be free of the pain.  We come to understand that forgiveness does not justify the harm done to us.  We forgive in order to heal.  

 

Forgiveness is difficult.

To forgive was to see my father as a person.  I was hesitant.  That meant I had to be willing to care about him as a person.  I could no longer treat him as the evil object I had believed him to be for so many years.

Forgiveness may be painful. We must forgive, yet remember.  To remember helps set boundaries in relationships to protect ourselves. Forgiveness may lead to mutual respect, but we might set ourselves up for disappointment if we believe that our relationships with people that have hurt us will be transformed if we forgive them.  

Forgiveness is an ongoing process.

After doing forgiveness work, I thought I was finished.  However, forgiveness is not like that.  I thought I had forgiven my father, yet, years later, still had no positive memories of him.  I now realize that my pain had covered up all the positive feelings and memories that I had about my father.  This began a new stage of forgiveness work for me.

Today, the benefits of forgiveness continue to materialize in my life.  I have gained wisdom from working through my resentments.  I have a greater understanding of others and better understand the pain they experience. 

This process of emotional and spiritual growth cannot be done quickly.  We must give ourselves the time we need to understand ourselves, to identify our pain and resentments, and to begin the process of forgiveness.  Forgiveness deepens our life-long process of emotional and spiritual growth.  In giving up pain, injury, sadness, hatred, and resentments, we make room to receive wisdom, joy, love, and life. 

Blessings, Rev. Tom