Story
A young woman went to her mother and told her
about her life and how things were so hard. She did not know how she was going
to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It
seemed that as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled
three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a
boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in
the last she placed coffee grounds. She let them sit and boil, without saying a
word.
In about twenty minutes, she turned off the
burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the
eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed
it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell
me, what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," the daughter
replied.
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to
feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked
the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she
observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the
coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich flavor. The daughter then
asked, "What does it mean, mother?"
Her mother replied: “Each of these objects had
faced the same adversity—this case, the boiling water. Each reacted
differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after
being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had
been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after
sitting in the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee
beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had
changed the water.”
"Which are you?" she asked her
daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you
a carrot, an egg or coffee grounds?"
And as many of you know my friends, Unitarian
Universalists are all about coffee.
Sermon
This quote about resilience is from the American Psychological
Association:
“…Think of resilience as similar to taking a
raft trip down a river.
On the river, you may encounter rapids, turns,
slow water and shallows. As in life, the changes you experience affect you
differently along the way.
In traveling the river, it helps to have
knowledge about it and past experience in dealing with it. Your journey should
be guided by a plan, a strategy that you consider likely to work well for you.
Perseverance
and trust in your ability to work your way around boulders and other obstacles
are important. You can gain courage and insight by successfully navigating your
way through white water. Trusted companions who accompany you on the journey
can be especially helpful for dealing with rapids, upstream currents and other
difficult stretches of the river.
You can
climb out [of your raft] to rest alongside the river. But to get to the end of
your journey, you need to get back in the raft and continue.”
I
have been thinking a lot about resilience, and I’ve been thinking about a lot
about resistance. Here we are, in a time
of significant shifts in our national leadership, when some of us might feel
like the progress that has been made in reproductive rights and social justice
is now facing dramatic change. Many of
us might feel it is “roll up your sleeves” time now, resisting these changes
with body, mind, and spirit.
The
story that Donna read earlier asks us each: “are we a carrot, an egg, or coffee
grounds?” I think we all aspire to be
coffee grounds, but sometimes we’re mushy carrots or hard-boiled eggs. The changes we experience affect us
differently along the way.
However
maybe there is another way to think about the resistance we might feel called
to show and the resilience needed to get navigate this time. A way to experience resistance and resilience
as intertwined, as interconnected.
Before we
move forward I want you do something.
Partner up with someone around you, preferably someone you don’t know or
don’t know well. Decide who will be person
A and who will be person B. Okay, now
person B, place your hand on person A’s shoulder. And person A, sit up straight, put your feet
flat on the floor, and close your eyes.
Now, all the A’s take a deep breath.
Attend to the sensations in your body.
Pay attention to the air coming into and out of your body. Notice the thoughts and emotions that are
flowing through you. Focus on where you
feel relaxed and where you feel tense. Now
person B, gently begin to push against person A’s shoulder. Person A, notice what happens in your body,
notice the reaction of your mind and emotions.
Person B you can stop now. And
person A open your eyes. Now let’s switch. Person A, put your hand on person B’s
shoulder. And person B sit up straight,
put your feel flat on the floor, and close your eyes. Now take a deep breath. Attend to the sensations in your body. Pay attention to the air coming into and out of
your body. Notice the thoughts and
emotions that are flowing through you.
Focus on where you feel relaxed and where you feel tense. Now person A, gently begin to push against
person B’s shoulder. Person B, notice
what happens in your body, notice the reaction of your mind and emotions. Now person A stop. Everyone take a deep slow breath and bring
your attention forward. Please stay with your partner.
What did you notice?
When we
perceive a force pushing against us, we generally have two choices. To resist it or give into it. What I am going to suggest today is that
there is a third choice, to use it, to allow that force to become a source of
your resilience.
The image
before you is a dojo. A dojo is
generally associated with various forms of martial arts. American author, coach, and consultant, Richard
Strozzi Heckler, wrote “…the dojo is a
place of learning where one practices what is being taught. This [approach] is different from the conventional
classroom where students sit passively taking notes or listening quietly to a
lecture…[the approach] points out the difference between academic knowledge and
an embodied knowledge that allows people to take actions that sustain and
enhance their lives. In place of
[academic] learning … the dojo students practice what is being taught and over
time begin to embody the subject matter.
It lives in their body, it is who they are.”
So
today, I asked you to push someone in this church. Probably you don’t want to go and tell your
friends that your minister told you to push someone sitting next to you in
church. But as you sat there, it may not
have occurred to you to use the energy of that push. Most of us make an almost automatic choice to
resist.
So
here we are, post-inauguration, post-woman’s marches, looking at Monday morning
with perhaps a little more dread than we might usually fee after a big
weekend. Looking at the strong
possibility that we may now have a federal government eager to take away
women’s rights, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and gender fluid rights,
and take away medical coverage for millions, disempower public education, register
Muslims, dismantle protections against polluting the planet, de-fund the
National Endowments for the Arts, and privatize social security. Now while you might not have a problem with
all of those potential issues, there is probably one or two that keep you awake
at night, that seem to drain you of the energy you need to march, rally, lobby,
educate, petition, and stand with our marginalized brothers and sisters, and
frankly just live your life with all its joys and losses. Where will you find the energy you need? Some of us might meditate, pray, listen to
powerful speakers who inspire us; we might take better care of our health; we
might spend times with friends and fellow congregants at this church that
support us in our work. And I do
encourage you to do all the things that help you build resilience.
But
what happens when the pushes just keep coming?
When it feels like an irresistible force? Many people that each push flattens something
in them. Peace of mind, emotional or
physical health, joy. How do we balance
resistance and resilience? Can we
balance resistance and resilience?
Here
is my answer: Social Justice Judo. Social Justice Judo aligns your physical,
mental, and spiritual energy with whatever is pushing against you, absorbing
and transforming that energy to add to your resilience. The irresistible force
directs it energy toward defeating or destroying you. If you counterattack
you're imposing your body energy against the oncoming thrust. Judo redirects
your opponent's energy instead of meeting force with force. As the attacker
pushes against you, they find you stepping to the side and allowing their
momentum to throw them forward. You are like a tree that bends to the wind
instead of resisting unyieldingly and being uprooted and blown down. You become…resilient.
This
process keeps you from becoming exhausted from resisting. And
each time the force thrusts and fails, you feel empowered. Each time the opposing force thrusts, you
learn more about them and learn more about yourself.
Here
is one Judo move. A few years ago I was
involved in starting a grassroots organization in Cedar Rapids based on Saul
David Alinsky’s work. He is generally considered to be the Founder of modern
community organizing. The first step in
the process is one-on-ones, getting to know people and getting to know their
values. The discussion leads to finding
common values, which leads to developing common goals, and thus together making
changes in governmental policy or laws; in our case we would be working on
policy and law changes in Cedar Rapids and Linn County. In one of my conversations, I met a factory
worker. We got to know each other and
then started talking about our values.
One of his core values was “live and let live.” He was kind of libertarian in his
thinking. Now it probably wasn’t what I
was supposed to be doing, but I asked him about marital equality. He said he was against it. Then I wondered out loud, how can you be
against someone having equal rights, the same rights you want, and espouse live
and let live. He said he had never
thought of marital equality in that way.
We left with him being a supporter of marital equality. And both of us feeling energized and
empowered by our conversation.
Here is
another Judo move. While attending a
rally for marital equality in Iowa, I was invited to talk with Bob Vander Plaats,
the president and CEO of The Family Leader, a socially conservative
organization opposed to marital equality.
I think they asked me to join in the conversation at the Pizza Ranch, because
I was wearing a clerical collar and they thought I was an evangelical
minister. As Vander Plaats began talking
about his campaign supporting the rights of people opposed to marital equality,
I raised my hand and asked, “So you feel you are fighting for a majority of
Iowans?” “Yes,” he said. “And you
believe that the rights of the majority should be the law of the land.” “Yes,” he said. “What about the ‘Tyranny of the Majority? You know, when the majority imposes its will
and either disregards or oppresses the will of a minority. Didn’t the forefathers of this country oppose
that?” He looked deeply confused. Not sure what to say. Another person, energized and empowered by
what I had asked, said, “what about that?”
And another asked, actually a member of the local Unitarian Universalist
church got up, and said, “Marital rights are human rights aren’t they?” At that point an aide removed Vander Plaats from
the Pizza Ranch and any further discussion.
So now
let’s be dojo students and embody the subject matter of Social Justice Judo. Face your partner. Person B, put your hand on person A’s
shoulder. Person A, sit up, feet flat,
eyes closed, and take a deep breath.
Attend to your body, mind and emotions.
Now person B, gently push and person A, use the energy person B is
giving you. Person A now open your
eyes. Its person B’s turn. Person A, put your hand on person B’s
shoulder. Person B, sit up, feet flat,
eyes closed, and take a deep breath.
Attend to your body, mind, and emotions.
Now person A, gently push. Person
B use the energy that person A is giving you.
Now everyone bring your attention back up here.
I
encourage each of you to go out and find a way to do a little Social Justice
Judo. Create new moves and come back and
share them with us. We will practice
them here together. We will embody new
ways to be both resistant and resilient.
This church will be our dojo.