Several years ago I encountered a profound shift in my life.
My marriage ended, I
moved. My financial future and my work
life were in flux. On top of everything
I developed a herniated disk in my upper back that caused constant pain in my
right arm and hand. I did not know how
long my health insurance would continue and my back worsened making driving,
writing, using the computer and daily functioning full of pain. It was a challenging and terrifying
time. A crowd of sorrows had definitely
swept through my life and I was not laughing.
I saw my situation dire. I needed
to fix my life immediately and at the same time, felt incapable of figuring
anything out due to my physical pain and the many unknown factors in managing a
completely new way of life. During this
time I had a powerful dream.
In the dream, all was black and dark. I was on my hands and knees, but I could not
see anything because of the darkness. I
knew that on the floor there were black and iron panes of stained glass windows
and I tried to put them together, but was repeatedly frustrated, to the point
where I woke up several times in extreme pain.
Each time I sank back into sleep, I would re-enter the dream and try to
put the pieces together; each time failing and coming to a new place of
surrender. In the end it was clear to me
that these pieces were self-assembling and my efforts to put them together were
unnecessary and even harmful. The dream
taught me that my job was to sit in the dark until things came together. Trying to organize the “panes” was beyond my
ability. I couldn’t fix it.
We all face parts of our lives when it seems that everything
is shifting sands, when transition, mystery or a crowd of sorrows sweep us into
unknown territories that we are asked to navigate and learn about. How we see what’s happening in these times is
an important invitation into raising our awareness which in turn can bring us
to a place of positive and conscious creation.
There is power in our vision and influence in what we see. We also have choice around how we look at
situations and our part in them that make healing and growth possible or
unlikely.
I was fortunate to attend my first General Assembly this year and met a
person from your congregation. She said,
“Our church is imploding.” My ears
perked up because this kind of statement implies something I work with all the
time as I companion people. It may be
that in the living experience of your community, you are in a place that
everything is shifting sands, where transition, mystery or a crowd of sorrows
have swept you into unknown territories that you are being asked to navigate
and learn about. I wonder if we could
just take a moment to feel into this?
How do you see this place? Do you
see your community imploding? Are there
shifting sands here?
Spiritual traditions
are full of stories like this, stories of transformation.
Things and people come apart, come undone. They enter a dark night of the soul or a healing crisis or a pilgrimage of the heart and in that space of uncertainty they are re-made anew into new life, new identity and dedicated to new work. For Rumi himself, he was living a very nice life as a scholar and civic leader until he encountered a spiritual teacher named Shams. They had a dynamic and tumultuous relationship that resulted in Sham’s murder by Rumi’s family and Rumi losing almost everything. Rumi never wrote a single poem until he had been completely undone by this period in his life. Out of the wreckage emerged some of the most beautiful sacred poetry ever written. I have come to see from these spiritual transformation stories that the times when crowds of sorrows visit, when things are imploding are part of a larger cycle of learning and creation. The crisis is not the end of the story. When we hold the space together, we have a chance to walk through the unfolding toward a different vision; toward healing and new life.
We see this same idea echoed in other arenas of life. In the field of positive psychology, Dan
Siegel has done extensive work on trauma and resiliency. Some of his work focuses on Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder. In a study with the
military the researchers noticed that most soldiers knew about PTSD and what
its signs and symptoms were. Some
soldiers upon returning home from deployment anxiously watched themselves and
their friends for signs of PTSD worrying that they might go crazy or be swallowed
up by this illness. While learning about
PTSD was helpful in raising awareness so soldiers could get help, the
researchers found “It is also important to have the awareness that people who
have experienced trauma can go on to not only “survive” the trauma but also
experience what has been identified in the literature as “Post Traumatic
Growth”. Understanding that this is possible is an important element that
contributes to fostering hope.
Post traumatic growth is defined as the “experience of
individuals whose development, at least in some areas has surpassed what was
present before the struggle with crises occurred. The individual has not only
survived, but has experienced changes that are viewed as important, and that go
beyond the status quo” (Tedeschi and Calhoun, 2004).”
This is
important. When soldiers understood, not
only about PTSD, but that it also opened the space for Post Traumatic Growth
fear lessened and what once looked like a dreaded diagnosis, turned into a
journey with a hopeful destination. The
new information and a more complete story changed what was seen as
possible. It created a new vision of
healing.
In the examples shared
so far, an important component of each is the re-framing and new way of seeing
that allowed something new to open up and unfold. One day in the middle of my own time of
transition, I was in a class where we were asked to identify any pain in our
body and to simply sit and witness it.
To just notice what was actually there.
Was it a pressure, was it an ache?
What came to me in those moments of silent attention was the realization
that I was pinching myself. I was in a
very difficult time and I was pinching myself.
This was certainly true. My
thoughts pushing me to get everything fixed right now, my fear of all that was
uncertain and unknown served to put me in a pinch. I realized in that class that the pinch was a
choice and I didn’t have to see the situation that way. I could choose to treat myself with
compassion and kindness. This was
another permission to sit in the unknown as an act of love. It was a radical shift in my thinking and a
practice that I immediately engaged in. This experience and my dream invited
new way of seeing what was happening. As
I surrendered to rest and stopped trying to fix everything, my body started to
heal. As I moved into a new and unknown
life, I started to explore and look for new ways to be. From this new place of curiosity, there began
to be a feeling of empowerment.
In
trauma healing, simply knowing that some kind of growth and thriving is
possible after significant loss is something to aim for and work for. If there is thriving, then investing in
healing is worth it.
Even quantum physics
has something to teach us here. I
recently read a quote by Max Planck, “When you change the way you look at
things, the things you look at change”.
Much rigorous research has been done to study the effect of
the observer on scientific experiment.
What we have learned is there isn’t the separation and individuality
that we have assumed in the past. In
Lynne McTaggert’s now classic book, “The Field” she describes a robust body of
scientific work looking at the effect of thought on machinery and events. Machines programmed to generate random events
have been influenced by the thoughts and intentions of study participants into
generating events less randomly. This is
fascinating. If our thoughts can do that
with a machine, imagine what our intentions and thoughts can do within a living
community. I return to the question
then…How do you see your life? How do
you see this place?
The vision you bring here is guaranteed to influence this
space. Are you looking for what you want
to see? Are you gathering evidence for
the story you already see in this place?
If I walk in these doors looking for the ways that this place is
imploding, I will find plenty to support that way of seeing because every
community, even at its best will include this aspect of life. If I walk into these doors looking for the ways
this place is coming alive, I will also find plenty to support that way of
seeing because, again, all communities will include this aspect of life. If both ways of seeing are true, then what do
I want to look for as I walk in these doors?
Here is an invitation into curiosity and wonder. If the thought that this place is falling
apart, or my life is falling apart cause me anxiety and fear, if I look around
at my fellow travelers and feel protective and defensive at their roll in it, I
will create in this place a divisive and upsetting environment. The thought, is not helping me to create what
I would hope to see, which for me is a life or a community that is based on
love and compassion, not anxiety and fear.
If I get to choose what to look for, I want to look for what is coming
alive, for where love and compassion live.
I want to move closer into participating in and creating that
reality. I have the awareness and choice
to encounter my life with that vision and see where it takes me, see where it
takes us. Now I could practice changing
my thoughts of things falling apart and instead get curious wondering about
what kind of possibility and more delightful vision could unfold out of this
shifting; I could look around at my fellow travelers and see collaborators and
allies in creating a place of more love and compassion. This is the energy I want to bring to this
community. I wonder what new vision
might unfold coming from this place of possibility?
So where do we go?
What path do we want to make together?
One starting point in this journey is to begin by exploring our own
truth and being curious about ourselves and what vision we bring to life. Being cleared out by a crowd of sorrows,
experiencing trauma or loss comes with hurt, grief and pain. Airing our stories
in an environment of love, compassion and non-judgment is powerful medicine
that allows the pain to release and for a new healing story to emerge. In my own experience and in the psychology
research deep listening was a significant factor in the healing and recovery
from trauma. I would like to recommend 3 practices to foster this kind of
loving exploration. The first is work
you can do to listen to and explore your own thinking. It is especially helpful if your pain comes
out as blaming and complaining.
Spiritual teacher Byron Katie calls this method of inquiry “the work”
and has a beautiful process that can be used to explore our inner and sometimes
unconscious ways of thinking. You can
search online for her “Judge your neighbor” worksheet. This practice helps to reclaim our power of
choice over what we think and what way of seeing we are bringing to a
relationship with a person or community we find difficult. Second, sometimes our work on our own just
isn’t enough. The gift of another loving
person to witness us has the power to give us even more help in exploring our
thinking and choosing. This kind of deep listening is fostered here in this
place in spiritual direction (and covenant?) groups. Another practice to embrace is to engage in
regular acts of praise and gratitude.
What are you grateful for here, in your life? Look for it.
You’ll find it. When you look in
this way, when you set out searching for love, you will find more love and you
will create more love. All of these
practices lead to the same place; an openness to be where we are and to choose
a vision of love.
We are all in this together.
We need each other. What you
create of your life, what path you walk into being in turn helps create this
place of community which in turn helps create the world. Can you come together in the shifting sands
and share the journey into the possibility of the next moment? Can you soften into love and share your deepest
joys and concerns, the ones underneath your hopes and your fears? Can you pause all attempts to fix what’s
happening and hold each other’s hands in the darkness and uncertainty looking
for the love that is here till you find it?
I hope you will look because in looking you will tune your vision and
you will find and create the love and community you seek.
Sarah Cledwyn, MA is a Spiritual Director and
an energy medicine practitioner from St. Paul, MN. Sarah is a member of
Unity Church Unitarian and brings her skills as a healer to her congregation
and to the world. Sarah works in private practice assisting individuals,
groups and organizations to gain greater awareness, come into conscious
alignment with their values, and to make choices towards greater love and
life. More information can be found at her website www.sarahcledwyn.com
